Not going to lie, the first several (and by several I mean most) posts of this blog will probably be terrible. I've never been able to keep a journal and I've never been able to follow a blog for more than a week or two. Heck, I can't even keep up with a tv show or finish a season. You could say I have media ADD or commitment problems, whatever you want to name it. Unfortunately, God has been doing some CRAZY stuff in my life, and I desperately want to learn from it. Perhaps fortunately, but I'm still trying to get used to Him turning my heart upside down and inside out. I want to see everything He is trying to show me and remember everything He is teaching me. Half the stuff I write may not make sense to the rest of the world, but it will certainly make sense to me and I can't wait to see where God is taking me. There is no denying that he is working on something phenomenal and is in some bizarre, twisted way going to use my hopeless, messed up self. God hasn't just been tugging on my heart to live for Him, he's been ripping it to shreds. He's been tearing me apart just to get my attention and I think I'm finally listening. My goal is that by keeping track of every crazy, little thing my Jesus uses to get my attention and serve Him is that I'll see actual change in my desires, my heart, my head, my world, and my life. I hope to see my focus shift from me to my God, because to be honest He isn't and hasn't been the center of my life. Not even close. I know I'm going to mess up, but that doesn't mean I'm hopelessly lost.
"Don't give up, it's not the end
There's hope for every fallen man
To pick themselves up when they think they can't
Because with every passing second comes a second chance"
(Hope For Every Fallen Man - Relient K)
So here's to my second chance... Or more like my 202nd chance. I love my Jesus. I've made so many mistakes, but I know I can fix this. Not in my own strength of course... But I know my God will fix it for me and use me in ways I never even thought of. Here's to chance number 202.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 3:12-14-
Uhhhh... Here's to 202 and crazy.
-Natty
